Poland Krakow

Wednesday, October 3, 2018

Live Singing: Life Is A Roller Coaster

Boyzone Ronan Keating has been my singing mentor since I was a teenager. I always replay his songs to learn his songs. To sing like him is one of my dream because I find that he got the voice which makes people feel comfortable. A cheerful song to perform and life has up and down, fast and slow, life is really a roller coaster. We just have to fasten our safety belt and let the adventure begin.

Monday, April 30, 2018

Questions That You Hate The Most

One of a humid afternoon. I was walking to my car, 2 young ladies came to approach me. 1 was a Caucasian and another 1 was a Chinese. I thought they were some students who were doing some charity and asking for donation. The truth was they were coming to me was because they wanted to sell me their religion which was a modern Christianity. According to them, after new testament, they have a modern prophet who formed their church, the prophet was from U.S. Actually I have heard of this religion when I was a very very small boy. These 2 ladies came from U.S. 1 of them was 19 and another 1 was 20. They will stay here for 1 and half year just to share about their religion as a volunteer. Sometime I would quite avoid this kind of people because if they are too aggressive and stubborn it will trigger my 'fire alarm(temper).' Now lets talk about the 1st question that they asked me. She asked: "Are you a christian?" instead of giving a superficial answer, I said: "Yes, I'm a Catholic. Sometime you need to be brave to say that you are a Catholic because whatever you do will be representing the image of your church. Sometime we bring shameful thing to our church which is really making us very sad and guilty. I always tell them it is me unable to obey my God's will and teaching, nothing is wrong with my church's teaching. The conversation continued. I asked the Chinese girl why are you a Chinese but named with Caucasian's name and surname? She told me that she was a China girl and adopted by a U.S couple. I said: "Oh, your step parents crossed half of the world just to adopt you from China, you are so lucky and blessed. Yes, because I am worth it, she said. I was kind of straight forward and without any consideration, I asked: "Do you still meet with your real parents like once in a year?" She said:" No, because I was abandoned and I don't even know who are my real parents." It was quite sad to hear that and I shared some stories to her. I said: "I have a piano student, she is a adopted kid as well, but when she was adopted she has the chance to study in an international school, learn piano and violin, she travels 3 times a year. I believe everyone has their own blessing; maybe you are longing for the answer of who is your real parents, but for the thing that we don't know or understand just leave it to God, the uncertainty in our heart is a room for our God to stay there,uncertainty is a thing which makes us humble. Eventually that Caucasian threw out a challenging question to me, which is what is your purpose in life? I was like oh dear, the answer that I answer will be representing my personality. Give me 5 sec, I said. At first I was thinking to tell them, find a partner and get married and make as many baby as you can, that's our life purpose, those ideas are inspired by my friends and families. I closed my eyes for a sec to think and straight away Pope Francis came into my mind, I answered them: "The purpose of our lives is to serve, we have to serve the society, we have to serve the people around us. Work is 1 of the way to serve. Although we will be paid when we serve the customers in our company, those services are counted as serve as well. You have to serve yourself as well, but try to balance serving yourself and serving others. A serving heart makes you a humble person." Everybody quieted for few second. Eventually, she gave me her name-card and asked: "Are you interested to visit our church. I said: "Sorry, I'm very focus on my Catholic's way and thank you for sharing and showing me your bible. Have a nice day and God bless you guys.

Sunday, March 11, 2018

The Feelings Of Rainy Day 2018

One of a breezy holiday. I was on the way to pick up somebody. I called the passenger when I was about to arrive, he answered the phone and told me that I had overshot his intended location with a deep voice which made me thought that he was an old man. I turned for 2 rounds then I managed to pick him up due to he didn't turn up on time. I talked to him a lot along the way to his home. I asked him: "Are you working?"  He said: "No, Im studying here, studying IG." I have no idea what is IG. When I asked him about his age then I knew that he was a teenager. His fore head was wounded and covered with a plaster which reminded me I cycled and crashed into the drain and burst my head into blood when I was a teenager. Out of the sudden the sky was raining cats and dogs. As I reached his residential area, I saw many beautiful big houses. I said: "Which big house belongs to you?" He said: "No, my house is not that big." As I reached his house, I asked him to open the gate of his house so that I could drop off him under the shelter. He opened the gate with his remote control then we realized the shelter was already occupied by his father's car Honda-Accord. This teenager's father quickly ran into the house and get an umbrella and ran out to receive his beloved son. I was sitting inside my car to wait for this boy to pay the fare. From what I saw from my car side mirror, his father hand was wrapped with bandage. I told the boy: "I can tell, your father loves you so much, he ran out from the house even his shirt was not buttoned at all; your father wants to open the door even his hand was hurt and feeling in pain." The teenager just smiled and didn't know how to respond to my sentimental words. His father closed my car door by saying thank you gratefully. I turned my head back to the front view and my mind told me that his father a bit looked like Tom Cruise. His son was not that handsome and his voice was very unpleasant to listen. That scene told me, no matter they are good looking or not or their voice are pleasant or not, they will still always be the precious of their fathers and mothers. Suddenly I had turned into grey color because nobody will come out to cover me if it is raining cats and dogs. suddenly I felt so cold and lonely just like I was standing in the rain by looking at the grey raining sky outside. Good family value plays the most important part in every family. This kind of warm loving scene will really break your heart into pieces if you have an absent father or mother. Eventually, everybody comes from a family, there is no perfect family in this world but there's family who is die trying to be better.

Monday, August 14, 2017

Singing Competition

Live singing is never an easy job because I don't have the backup singers at the back, I have to sing every single word with my own breath. I just have the time to examine my own singing. I realize there is a part I was out of breath due to I didn't pause long enough for myself to breath in. Some parts I didn't go in on time. I was too shy to put in some of my dance steps. All these happened were because I was too nervous and afraid. This performance was not the best of me but anyway I do feel that it is a pass for my own requirement. I felt very grateful that my friends took the initiative to come over to support me without taking their dinner it gave me so much hopes and strengths to work harder. This competition was a great challenge and it motivated me a lot. It gave me the dream and direction of striving number one although I didn't win anything but it gained some life experiences. I was so driven by the spirit of the competition, I loved the feeling and it made me so committed. Eventually, lets continue to dream big and dare to dream.

大城小爱 Acoustic // Wedding Banquet

17 Aug of 2015. 2 years ago when I was jobless. The wedding bride asked me to perform a song in her wedding.

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Saturday, June 3, 2017

Love + Forgiveness

2097. Years go by as if it was just a blink of an eye. One of the ordinary Sundays. I combed my old grey hair tidily and put my best attire on just to make sure I looked like a decent man. I was walking into a Holy Temple when an old friend of mine came to me and nudge me on my elbow.
"Ivan, finally...... you are back," he said happily.
I smiled and turned to face him. Yes. I'm back, back for good this time. I come back to restore the things that I had broken years ago. Life is too short to hate one another because we don't know how long we are going to live and when we are to leave, I said.
My friend reacted emotionally to my words and he humbly said,
"Let's pray and remain hopeful no matter what happens."

I was walking around the temple. The 1st thing that came to me was the Redeemer, He was welcoming me with arms wide open which made me feel like my heart of stone was embraced and the layers of hardness slowly melting away.
When I looked at those scratches on the wooden pews it reminded me that I used to sit there with my family members.
Those cracking lines on the wall as if it were the wrinkles on the face of an old man, which revealed his past and age.
The room was flooded with peace and serenity.
The smell of the frankincense reminded me of holiness.
The atmosphere was making me so emotional and the feelings of missing the good old days were indescribable.

Along the way my gaze fell on the lively greens, dotted with lovely blossomed flowers outside the glassy window panes. They were able to brace themselves as they openly welcomed the splashing rain and reached out to envelope themselves in the warm sunshine. A few children were joyfully chasing each other. From afar, I was able to see some young lads were wearing their white robes; queuing in lines of two while holding a tall pole with a golden crucifix on top, they were getting ready to start the Sunday Mass.

I then made my way towards a room named after St Simon for my appointment with my counselor, Peter. I went in and waited for him. A few moments later, the door was gently swung open.
Peter's exasperated voice came from the back saying:
"I had told you that I have no time to see you."

"Peter..." I said gently,
I had texted you and called you so many times but you refused to answer my calls. Alas, all these would not stop me, I still have a very strong urge that I must see you. Please, I need a listener.

"What kind of sorrowful story that you want to tell me? Is it that the same old unforgiving story that you have been repeating over and over again?"

I faltered slightly at my own words as I made a reply,

No, I... I mean yes. It is time to give this story a closure. Sometimes in relationships, many errors and breakdowns would occur. It could all happen at the same time just like fire alarms ringing uncontrollably without any sequence. It takes away your peace and puts you under the spell of hatred. Many people choose to escape or keep quiet when the going gets tough. They give themselves many butterfly excuses which are all against the truth. They choose to divide instead of reuniting. They choose to deny or escape instead of facing the problem head on. They are indirectly allowing the enemy to win the internal battle.

"What is the tactic to triumph over the enemy then?" Peter asked.

I would say 'love and forgiveness' are the two most powerful weapons in the world. It has never failed in any battle. I still believe in the saying, 'Love Your Enemies,' but nowadays this saying has become a myth, nobody wants to turn this into their actions.
Many people have forgotten what is love, even I myself had to Google the meaning of love from the internet. Some seek for love based on their desire alone and thus hooks up with the wrong man/woman. Their relationship then that cannot last long and leaves them with brokenness. Forgiveness is thus defeated by pride.

We have to love our enemies in a right kind of way because love is not compromising the good of another. When we see something is going wrong, we have to correct that person in a humble way but not a judgmental way. We have to show that we care. We have to support them with our spirits and presences. By keeping quiet is indirectly letting the bad things happen again. Running away is another way of saying, "I surrender". There's one thing we have to be very clear with ourselves. Our enemies are the devils but not our friends or family members and God is our spine.
All that I can say is, if you have never experienced love before how would you know how to love another? If you have never been forgiven before, how would you know that forgiveness can set you free from your mistake. You can only find out all these meanings from the Man who was nailed to the cross. The hurts and wounds from our pasts are ruling our futures. All we can do now is entrust our pasts to the Saviour, only He can go back and save us from our pasts.

"So... How do we forgive our enemies? I have taught you this many times before."

I exhaled. This question is so deep.

Do you have WI-FI service here? I need to ask Google. I am not a forgiving person. I used to attack them until they have got nowhere to turn to. I hurt them with brutal and threatening words, and eventually I hurt my own feelings as well by hurting them. But I will not forget the covenant that I have made between me and my Heavenly Father. We must forgive because we all are His children. The moment we hurt others, we are hurting His children as well. It pains Him just like parents seeing their kid being beaten up by the bully. The kid is badly wounded and the parents' heart is aching with pain. If we really love a person, we wont do anything to hurt him/her.

Some people have ask me, "why are you still coming back here since the one who offended you is here?"

I would say that I have to be faithful to the promises that I have made. I promised that I will not hurt that person instead I'll support and forgive him. If I broke my own promises, what would that make of me? How would you feel when people say that all of your words cannot be trusted? If you don't see me coming back here anymore, obviously it would mean that I have chosen to hate instead of forgiving. I knew from the moment I stepped in here that the peacefulness of my mind will be shaken. I believe the Holy Spirit keeps asking me to come back, to restore, to reconnect, and to rekindle the friendship that we once had. Maybe the spirit of mercy must come alive. Feeling sorry and remorseful is useless, we must wake up from those emotions and repent.

"What did you see from this incident?"

My point of views are:

Loneliness. I saw a man standing alone in the dark, he refused to talk or involve himself with the people, that scene has shown me what is loneliness. Some people are very lonely out there. They feel lonely even if they are surrounded by a million people because they have closed their hearts. When their hearts are closed, they will find it very hard to believe others and they will find it very hard to express their feelings. They will find that it is very hard to communicate in real life but rather they prefer to stay in the virtual world.

Brokenness is always formed by the past. Fracas in the family. Bullied by somebody. Brokenness after a relationship. When we are hurt, we feel pain. When we feel pain, we get angry. If we are not strong enough we will take out our anger on the innocent people.

Low self-esteem develops insecure feeling, from insecure feelings, and from there it leads you to jealousy and from jealousy, it leads you to sin.

"How did you feel at that time?" Peter asked tenderly.

I felt sad for them. My feelings were hurt. I thought that I must be responsible for my own mistakes as well. I was so wrong for taking away people's dignity plus, I am still seeking for forgiveness even until today.

There was one morning, I accidentally cut my hand. It bled and I felt the pain. It reminded me of the sufferings of Jesus. The sacrificial kind of love to redeem the sinners from their sins. Each sin that we have committed will become a wound and scar on His body and it bleeds unstoppably. We sin but He is the one who bears all the wound and pain. I am upset for making Him go through all these sufferings. Sometime I dare not look at the real life bloody crucifix image because of my fear and guilt of facing my own sins.

"What have you learnt from this?"

Speak the truth and let there be light. Ask the Holy Spirit to inflame you. Be not afraid to admit your weakness and mistake. Address your problems, give them a name. Acknowledge your enemies and face them head on. We learn the good teachings from saints but we also learn good lessons from the sinners. This is how life goes on.

"Do you mind letting me know what took you so long to come back?'

I shook my head.

It is too late. Everything has changed. Many people are gone. I was stranded in unforgiveness for all these years. I never once apologized because of my pride, it destroyed all the chances for communication. Anger and hatred was turning me into a devil. Revenge and punishment were the only words in my mind. After many years of finding the truth, I realized even my enemies they do have their own crosses to bear. They have their own pasts. They were abused as well. Even Jesus didn't seek revenge after he resurrected. So who am I to judge? I don't want to be God. I just want to be a good sheep that listen and respond only to my true master.

Our time has come to an end. Peter had to go.

"For my advice, don't be a part time Christian who loves and forgives based on terms and conditions. We have to forgive without any reservation. We pray for our pasts to be forgiven and work hard for a better future. I believe that all these have been your destiny. Be bold. Be brave to face it. When obstacles strike make sure your faith is not shaken. Be ready in body and spirit. Eventually what can make your heart feel better?"

I frowned as I was feeling emotional to Peter's question.

I am not sure, I said slowly and quietly. Maybe I just wanted you to call out my name firmly and surely, and to acknowledge me as your good friend. All these can help me regain my confidence and dignity. Eventually...... Eventually, Simon Peter, just say that you love me and pray for me and I will be healed. Thanks and God Bless.