I just went to a retreat 1 month ago. Its a church retreat. I gain a lot of friendship from there, it makes me feel closer with all my church members. The compliments that I had received really makes me want to cry. A young man asked me: Ivan you are a young man, you should be very busy with your own activity, but I glad that u has chosen god. Yeah, what he said was right. I always think that im a very wise man because I have chosen god, when u have god u can leave all your fear or problem to the god, why I need to be so stupid to bare this kind fear & problems alone, I really think its unnecessary. Sometime I really feel very disappointed for those who lost their faith in god, they decided to walk alone, maybe they started to have a good or rich money life, Or maybe something disaster happened to them so they blame on god. Everyone life got up & down, I think that is the climax & most amazing part of our life, I can tell you a life without problem will be very boring. I think from my experience when problem occurs in money, in emotions, in something bad or good, in relationship, I never really think of leaving the church, When I have career or financial problem all I can think its I should keep my holy spirit stronger & ask god for guidance. I remember got 1 time I pray until I cried, I tell god I have already very sick of this kind game, I very sick of stagnant in this same old stage for years, I tell god with that amount of money how can I excel? God please let me be the man u want me to be, please let me be the captain, let me be the leader, I said I would like to handle a bigger game now but without you all my power will be very limited, I said I need a collaboration with you, I need you to carry me when im sick, that's y got no point to leave god because he is the only 1 who's free to rely. Of course when I was in my hard day my family members very supported in me because they very believe in me & I very believe in myself & I believe in god, hard day wont last long. I very glad sometime I can stay very positive, I always ask myself why should I scared if the god is with me, I always remind myself why should I be unhappy if the god is be with me. No matter how hard is my day is just because my demand is too high, if I was born in Iraq I will be more pity, but if those people living in Iraq also can find happiness then u should ask yourself why are you unhappy, isn't because your country got no war? you should ask yourself why they got the wisdom to turn the happy to joy, its something really deep. I remember a mother Teresa story, When they are about to lunch, she finds out they have no food left & a lot of children are waiting for her, she straight say a prayer to god, after few minutes a man came & donate the food for the children, from there u can see the faith in her, she lives with no fear, she didn't even bother to borrow somebody's hand phone to call who or someone who drives Bentley or Benz, She is really a very inspired woman. Sometime I really feel I'm a very talented person, sometime I very scared god will take away the talent from me but im very sure even though I continue to sin or arrogant the god wont take away the talent from me because he will never ask for return, only human will ask for return, with his kindness & passion we should try to do our best. That day we went back from HK due to over bought the wines we are being stopped for investigate, we are a bit panic we were thinking to run away, from that incident I feel that we should look at Jesus, he knows the people will come to crucify him & get him killed, he just waited them to come, he didn't think of anyway to escape, that's the very good example of "face your problem". Let me ask you, you like a man who will stand out to face the problem or a man who is wise in escaping?
Eventually without god we can be very happy but lost, without god im just a alcohol addict, without god I got no one to rely, that's y no matter how lost I am I keep coming back to him. Only god can give u peace Only god can give you something infinity, only god can boost my talent to the max. I will never stop asking for more because he can handle that kind of mega volume. By the way I hope I can collaborate with god till the end of time, I do my best & he do the rest.